Missing Millionaire Gatecrashes
by Matahari MIN
Police Race to Shops
Police evacuate city store
Panicked Shoppers flee Woolworths
Matahari MIN scoops FEDSYour ace reporter following up a anonymous phone call rushed to a downtown monitoring centre and was able to obtain a photo believed to be a heavily disguised Demon Brewer blazonly striding around despite being branded as Public Enemy No 1.
STOP PRESS NEWS:
Dateline: June 28
An alleged "supergrass"
has revealed to our ace reporter that the Demonic Brewer has holed up
in a castle on the outskirts of Sedbergh, in a rambling castle complex
called DENTLITZ, believed to have been used to house German and other
POW's during the last war.
The castle was put into
operational use in the wake of the
demise of the Butlitz camps and decommissioned when
the East/West divide started to crumble. It is now a playground for the
rich and famous - despite its grim history of torture and death.
As yet no firm sightings have
surfaced but your No. 1 newshound is hot on the scent.
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Rumours abound in the hills and dales of North Yorkshire as reports of celebrity sightings around Dentilitz mount up. Spotted two days ago in a local Sainburys the Master Cor du Blue chef Frau Kaiseress Unt Pidlington and Entrepeneur Baron Reichskanzler Von Nodial; and seen driving away from the Su Yung Chow take-away yesterday Herr Obergruppen David Rosenburger, accompanied by the inseparable pair, dastardly E.T. Ditchley and T. (Winemeister) Walnut.
There are whisperings of a plan by the Demon Brewer Fatman to undermine the Dales staple diet of beef and two veg washed, down with a good old pint of Theakstons Best Bitter, by opening a chain of bistros - dishing up low cost Pasta with salad, Lasange with pomme frittes, Frankfurters und pomme mashe, and Lamb slowly roasted in a damson based wine with saurkraut dressing. Wine and cheese nights to be organised instead of the usual fish and chip suppers, and the introduction of specialised teas by Twinings to replace Tetleys and Luptons brands.
The Yorkshire Tourist Board has been inundated with calls from worried pubs and restaurant owners asking how they intend to deal with the threat to their businesses; local wine outlets feared a flood onto the home markets of Fatman brands, which the Polish immigrant population might mistakenly believe are genuine consumer items.
No pictures of the alleged group meeting have yet surfaced, but press reporters are making their way to the north to seek answers to some of the questions being raised. The authorities are strangely silent, as are Nodialness and the Untouchables.